I came to America, just over 7 years ago. One thing I remember was my astounding misconception that I would feel at home here in the states. In Britain we are so saturated with American culture I was beguiled into thinking that we shared the same culture and customs. Yes, for the most part we speak the same language, watch the same movies and eat the same junk food, but apart from that - I am sad to say – forget it. Americans are about as similar to the British as the North Pole is to the Sahara desert, which is to say that life in either couldn’t survive in the other for more than a nanosecond. Not without a survival kit at the very least.

I first realized this after I married and divorced an American in the blink of an eye. As soon as our honeymoon was over, I looked at him every day and thought, “Who is this alien I live with?”

Okay, maybe most married people feel that way, so lets look at some other examples.

Today on the radio, I heard live footage of a state governor, keenly inspecting his new ‘Death Chamber’. Apparently the old one was not humane and up to code – so all executions were postponed until the remodel was complete. Now it is all swanky and ready to kill! They put it on the TV and radio for all to see.

Yesterday, they were debating the abortion issue for the zillionth time and whether it should be automatically including in health insurance premiums, because ultimately one is killing a small infant and so that shouldn’t be free, should it? Well, when you put it like that, I guess not.

And there’s another kick – health insurance – no free medicine, yep – that’s a biggy here. Most Americans are convinced that ‘socialized’ medicine will be the beginning of the end of democracy.  When I point out that the fire department, the police department and the army are ‘socialized’ here, they pout and look at me as though I’m speaking a foreign language – which is my point, I think I am.

Oh and then there the Gay issue – not a week goes by that you don’t hear about the religious far-right denouncing Gay rights and the argument about Gay marriage goes on and on and on. Now I know this is still an issue in England – but you don’t hear the Church of England bantering on about what God determined to be a marriage and that homosexuality is a sin in the eyes of God. I mean for goodness sake – every day it’s “God this” and “Jesus that”. Religion, which to my mind is the cancer of mankind, is a fundamental part of daily life here. And the fanatics use it politically at every turn – it turns my stomach to acid.

So why don’t I leave America? Clearly I feel they are retarded and un-evolved in so many ways, apart from their ability to make a great action movie and a fat burger, what else is there here but religion and morons? Well, the problem is where I live. In a single day I can go for hike in the mountains, have lunch on the beach, then go meditate in the desert and finally drive up to the snow and spend the afternoon skiing, should I so wish. The farmers market in my village is inexpensive and the weather is 72 degrees and sunny 550 days a year. Yep, this side of America is paradise in so many ways, that’s why I don’t leave, it is beautiful, and I have been suckered into the climate and the landscape.

It is just a crying shame it is full of Americans.

© Words  Samantha Robson